A blissful day....January 1st 2010....Welcome.:))
I just woke up, and sunlight entering my room through the curtain pores (and through all the fireworks dust of last night and that further torn stratosphere), sat beside me, and asked me to write. And I asked it, why now??
It said, “It’s a new year Idiot! Act human, say grace, offer prayers, make a wish or a resolution and go out and mingle. Go do your regular acts, send new year messages, buy beer, call old lost ones, order chicken and for god’s sake clean your room. It’s a mess! Welcome the New Year with a cleaner heart and a purer mind. Come on, wake up!!”
I asked,” Mother Nature, isn’t it the exact commandment you gave me last year, minus the beer and the chicken part? Come on, something new, eh?”
She said, “that’s why I want you to write! Write about things those went well last year and things which went wrong you want to still mend. Mull over it and who knows, you may like to make a resolution!!”She smiled.
I mouthed,” Now I get your plan!! You want me to mull over the issues which kept bothering me last year, isn’t it? You want me to look back to my previous endeavours; both business and personal, and churn out a way to get things going again. May be, forgiving old enemies, looking back to lady-I-love, Looking back to the dreams I own, and learning from the mistakes I have made, isn’t it? So that’s what gift you have brought for me this year; happiness?? I love you, Mother Nature!!”
She didn’t say anything, just kissed on my cheeks and vanished. Clouds took her with them. So I woke up, and am here with my lappy on my laps.
I am going through my previous post. What all crap is that? Moving on by looking for someone else? Trying new business with new people, new acumen? Man, that was a sad post. Can’t be me. Since when did I started blaming myself, accusing my habits, or even think about marrying?? It must have been a real low point for me, gladly I don’t remember much. Ah 2009, what all you made me do last year, yaar?:-)
Business: It’s a new day, with a new start. The idea has really changed. Last idea didn’t click, but Chalta hai!! Now I am cooking something I like to eat. Computer stuff is for geeks. I am a mechanical Engineer, I should never have changed my religion by trying something I am not good at. I mean, I am not saying I shouldn’t have tried at all. But then, it was not the best Idea for my first start up. Come on, let’s cook some machine. Time for an invention, a patent (I miss my vision to glorify my resume, hehe!!). There are plenty of areas of Research. And hundreds of my areas of Interest. Let’s try this one, I am sure 2010, you aren’t planning to screw this too, eh? Prepare to see me richer this year, dude. You are not a bad year, really. Neither was 2009. It’s just that my emotional part of business man is now getting driven by sentiments, and not by emotions. Ankur, thanks for visiting Kolkata. I owe you big time, buddy!! Work is on. Returns are expected. I embrace you brothers, once again. I m back.
Love and relationships: Bla Blaaa Blaaaaa Blaaaaaaaa!! I did say that it’s time to move on, didn’t I? That was sick of me. Wasn’t it like treating my love interest just like business interest?? She never paid me to love her. Neither had she ever bothered. It was all the time me, running after her. Like a crazy guy, on the QT, spying around her place, to catch a glimpse of her. To stammer while talking to her, to imposter calls, just for the sake of hearing her voice. You catch flights, pan-India, to just steal a mobile number. To travel down a city for the first time, just to get her whereabouts. To befriend her friends. To learn what she likes, to be what she might like. And in turn of events, I find that I have learnt things I would never have known had I not fallen in love with her. To be exposed to hours of bullshit lectures, from all friends, to leave all this crap; to seek a new companion. To find a new girl in life? Anjali, I love you for being so kind to me, but again, I beg to differ. I decline to change, when it comes to her issue. Let me suffer,its really worth it!!
All these years, I have witnessed that just a glimpse of her is able to make me feel better, regain my confidence. When I am there in the group, having a debate (part of my job profile), there she is, right on my mobile wallpaper. If I miss a point, I have a glance at her pic, and I know what to say. I win. Her voice is just able to soothe up my soul, even if she isn’t aware that there is me on the other side of wire.
My poetries, my writing capability, my ability to express, sing, dance, cook, composing music; is all because of her. What I am today is very much because of her. Had I not loved her, I definitely have been a different person. I am a marketeer, and I do well; just because she is there in backdrop of my mind. And I realize that I am getting better in selling concepts just because I am preparing myself to sit someday in front of her, and convince what makes me go crazy about her. To justify my point someday; sitting over a coffee session. How a ‘Chhapri ’person of my kind, can convince someone so adamantly about it, that how humble-noble his ideas are, when it comes to love. How Romeo can turn into Michelangelo, I am yet to express. Love happens. Shit happens too. Hehehehe.
I do not claim that I haven’t tried to look for an alternative. In last 7 odd years, I befriended many girls. Dated. Drove them around beaches hiring bikes from Friends. Had Moccachino in cafe coffee day with chocolate brownies and gained weight (Never matter who paid!). Dinners. Salsa Classes. Passed tissue papers when they discussed their ‘miserable’ hostel life, nodded when they wanted an opinion, hugged when they wanted a ‘boyfriend who cares’, held their hands when in a social gathering. I did it all. I pretended being a boyfriend every time. One good thing, never got that naughty, and didn’t did that (you know what!). Integrity and Virginity preserved.:))
Then came the emotional side of relationship. When I tried to focus on any one girl, to consider the relationship seriously, there she was, amidst my thoughts, hung up everywhere. Falling from trees. Smelling from flowers. Mobile wallpaper. Orkut albums. Facebook. Thoughts. Feelings. Happiness. Sorrow. Crazy stuff. She was everywhere. Now where do I go? I never had an alternative. I never found me out of it. It was just her, the only one who ever did fit in my dreams. I am innocent and shouldn’t be hung for loving someone as cute as her. She was the only chosen one, and stays there deep within without much competition. Come on, something good as this can’t be a crime. All I want is ‘TV’, and this is the only truth I am sure about.
Chalo, I agree to never have full heartedly approached. Like a big time coward, I tried knowing her through her friends/ pals. And blew it up several times. Pissed her off several ways. God forgive me, but tell me one better way I can reach her. I just believe the very thing, I haven’t left a stone unturned. I have taken every one’s advice, then yours. It’s your turn god, if you think I am a good son of yours, help me. One more thing God Ji, just curious to ask, are we men really monogamous by nature??.....hehehe.....who knows better? You yourself are a man.....have seen many pictures of you hung around my home with various woman.....They call you Krishna, and accept your thing. They call me Krishna, and I become a pervert flirt? Not good.....not good at all......:))
God, I have things to discuss with you. It has been a really long time I have visited your place. No temples, no churches; and no confessions since a long time. Time bhi kahaan milta hai!! I will drop you a letter soon. Just learnt recently about your Mayapur ISKCON temple. Will plan to visit it this month. Ok?
I will call her and wish her a Happy New Year Today. That’s for sure. I hope this won’t be registered much negatively. Now, wishing Happy new year is a good thing, isn’t it? Even reliance guys wish happy New Year to Airtel guys. Anyone can wish anyone today. Happy New Year, folks. Love life.
What else!! I am full with happiness this morning. A blissful day indeed. Time to wake up, and wake my CAT lover flatmate who lies there in his room; damn drunk. He is a good guy, bus paisa paisa kam kare!!
Good morning to all. I am back. Full heartedly. Stay tuned to read more from me. Adios..........:))
Love and Prayers,