Interactions with the almighty......

February 21st 2010.....Krishna Temple......A loner pays the Almighty Lord ‘Shri-Krishna’ a visit....for the five prominent reasons:
1. Its long time he has got to sit in a serene, calm environ.
2. He believes he has turned an atheist and his relationships with god are at a verge of a break up.
3. He is damn frustrated with his job.
4. Nothing great to do this ‘Sunday’. Who else to bore? Let’s try God; he thought.
5. He wants to give some time to himself for thinking.

1300 Hrs.....the temple is really empty.....There sits a round bellied half-nude man counting all the coins that were gathered in the morning Puja.......there is a sick old lady.chanting beads....2 young kids playing around the Main Building.....It’s a small nice institution...with colour shades of brown, orange and Grey....with some flower plantations around the temple; and a load of plucked flowers in front of; yes ‘God’! Sorry forgot to mention him at the first place. It’s his place, and that explains why everything is set up that way. God, and his godly ways to soothe his people!!

As he reaches, rings the bell, everybody notices him, including God, for a while. “Man, he is young, single, in pink of health, apparently Happy, with no flowers to offer; what brings him here? Must have come to meet his girlfriend; the location set at the God’s abode”; they murmur. The young man smiles at the lady, and she quickly is back to her bead-chanting. He then smiles at the priest, the priest nods for a moment and then he is back to his money counting, annoyed of one more visitor.

So, now nobody noticing, it’s between him and God now. The regular father to son chat begins.

“Hi, God!”,he says.

“Hi, Son! Long time, no see?”

“Ya, been a bit busy lately. You know I have a job to do.”

“Do you mean to say I am Jobless?”

“Nah, dad!! I am not saying that. I am just saying that my job is keeping me too busy. You know, like every regular gentleman, even I have started hating my Job, my bosses, my work so much that everything else is just ignorable. My agony is that it’s becoming unbearable. You put me in Marketing. Precisely selling and servicing trucks and buses. My customers are uneducated. They love bullying. All they understand is discount and warranty. Technology is like potato for them. They are least bothered if you are an Engineer. If it benefits them anyhow economically, you are welcome. Now you try explaining them that putting this advanced aggregate will cost this much of savings. And they will ask you, if the aggregate will deliver coins after a certain period. They will convince you that we are still far behind every educated country, just by their satisfied grin they get after irritating you.

My boss is an idiot. He loves sitting on his computer and sending reminders. His ultimate wish is to install GPS on each of his subordinates, so that he can observe there activity sitting Idle on his station. All he is good is with making Files. He has a diary with him which he maintaining since the day he was born. His first Entry Reads: “Monday, June 21, 1958. Ejaculated. Meeting with Doctor: 1 PM. Have to discuss the poor service quality architecture of the Hospital. Bath-Delayed. Nurse-Ugly.” And similar listings he has been following since then. I hate him more or pity him , I am not able to decide yet.

There are no girls in my Office. Excluding our receptionist with over-done makeup, who is semi-educated, semi-standard and reasonably cheap in flirting with everyone; My office looks like Sahara Desert. Enclosed within Walls. Our interiors suck. Our AC makes sound like Boeing-747, liberates air with zero value addition to its temperature. Every employee here is ready to eat up his sub-ordinate, boot-lick his boss, and sleep with any woman entering the office. Everyone is set to take bribe with no one to offer. We keep ogling at every female which passes by. We make bullshit reports which benefit no one. Out of eight working Hours, we attend the office for 12 hours and have a productivity of 2 hours. It’s a Gay land. Every boss is behind our arse.

God, I am pissed off. Why did you plan this Job for me? Look at you, flowers around you. Nice kids playing around. Soothing bells ringing. Incense sticks. Fresh Fruits. Sweets. 24 Hour attendant. Donations. Devotions. Ladies. And you get to satisfy everyone. You are a legend. You have an awesome resume; using which you can be worshiped anywhere in this world. You maintain an awesome dating record, in and out your Office. What else one wants?? You, apparently have the best Job profile in this world. I envy You.”

“Son, you have titillated me to an extent where I am bound to tell you what all I do all the day. Promise me you will be bold enough to bear this. I am going to tell you my Job profile.”

“Ya, Ya. Go On.”

“Beta, is it true you Joined your Job when you were 22? And will retire when you will be 58?. And your will die, may be after a decade??”

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“I am doing this Job of being God since my first day of Existence. They remind me that every year by waking me up at 12 in the night, irritating me by playing songs, dipping me in milk, Washing me in chilled water. It’s called Janmashtami. You know that, don’t you? You get a holiday on that day. For me, being God is a 365 day Job, 24 hours a day. I have been doing this since thousands of years. I can’t retire. I am immortal. ”

“I understand, Almighty. It must be hurting.”

“No, No. You don’t understand. Not everyone comes down to my temple just for the sake of chilling it up like you do. People have complaints. Grievances. Everyone of them. Somebody wants a Job. Somebody wants a promotion. Somebody wants his colleague not getting promoted. Somebody wants his boss to die. Somebody wants a loan. Everyone needs money. Nobody nowadays reaches me for happiness. All they need is some material comfort. Ladies- they just hang around to show off their sarees to their friends.Most of them them do puja for a complete show off.

Trust me, 98 percent of the singers who sing prayers to me, are having a course voice; or have entirely no sense of singing. I can’t shoot them, because here I Stand, since times immemorial, holding this fake POS silver flute, which I can’t play for security reasons. You do know how to play a flute. I taught you, remember?”

“Yeah, what is with this flute? Please Elaborate.”

“Nothing great. It’s a fancy item I am supposed to hold the entire day. I can’t play it anymore. First, it won’t work. Second, even if I mend it with my magical powers, ff I am discovered playing it, there will be thousand of devotees out there to hear me for sheer publicity. Remember, some time back when your Lord Ganesha, tried sipping some milk they offer him daily. CNN, BBC and media all around the world came down to interview him and his ugly fat-bellied priests. There was so much of Hue and Cry and Hype.Priests made record revenue out of it!! I hate doing that. Even Ganesha swore to Lord Shiva he is not trying that Milk ever again!! So basically, I haven’t tried my favorite hobby since a long, long period.”

“Hmmmmm.....I understand, God!!”

“No, you don’t! Imagine if I walk up to your house everyday morning, 700 hours and ask a son, a job, or a promotion!! Imagine somebody burning Camphor, right below your nose, 4 times a day with some irritating bells, and that’s how waking you up!! I am God, not a Bartender!! Imagine sitting next to the best of the flowers and sweets, and not trying any of it; just because you are God!! At the same time, this lousy pot-belly grabbing all your offerings, selling sweets back to the shops and slipping money to his pocket. This fat bugger, you see here, counting Coins; recently bribed 2 lakhs to Gov’t Officials for his son’s job, all straight from the temple fund. Now, when his son got the Job, he keeps publicizing that it was all my miracle. Yeah, why not! Helplessly, I mumble. Even that money came from Seth DhanpatRai for his charity; for his name and tax savings at the same time. You know, donations to me are tax-free under section 80GG??”

“Now, that’s sarcastic......God!!”

“No, it’s not sarcastic. That’s plain truth. You donate money for tax saving, erect temples for Land acquisitions; fight not for temples, but for politics. You Humans invented temples and mosques for your own benefits. Sometimes I feel I shouldn't have disclosed you all my existence at the first place. First you confirm that I exist, then you learn that I am profitable, and then use me as a religious tool? Since when my abode became your concern?? Politics, corruption, and bribery, even Gods are not spared from it anymore.”

“Hey, stop abusing my Human race. Not all of us are that bad. I don’t do that to you. I never bring you flowers or sweets for some promotion or anything that weird. I don’t seek anything than happiness, which I harvest for myself. All I ask is companionship and confidence, all which you are good for. I play flute for you, whenever I get a chance to see you. See this, I got my flute with me, so that we two can chill it up. But, apparently, you are really in a bad mood today. Should I visit you some other time?”

“Son, I am not complaining. Don’t take it personally. Please understand, it’s all about adjusting. So far, I have always adjusted to everything you have offered. You offer me Gold, or Rice, it’s all the same for me. I see the feeling behind that offering. The emotion behind it! Then why do humans don’t learn the same thing ? Why do they always complain, never try to adjust or fight against the odds? Even being God, I am unable to understand. On failing, they just can’t blame me that I wasn’t supporting them. You know that, I am always supporting everyone. Diplomatically, I am least bothered about the low-performers like your boss. But those who do well, or strive to do so, you see how sure I make that they come up!! You know the 6 sigma principle, how can I make everyone perfectly happy from day one?”

“Hehehe....diplomatic you are!!”

“Stop grinning. The way you look at my Job, the way I look at yours. You boss around many people, and get a good salary. And I know you have managed to date that receptionist sometimes, and moreover, you are dating some good chicks around your office. Aren’t you??”

“Hehehe! Now that’s not good. I came here to seek happiness and advice, not these loose remarks. You yourself were pretty famous in dating spite of Being in love with RadhaJi....Weren’t you?”

“Isn’t it the same thing you do, O copycat son of mine!! Listen, you know that Radha and I didn’t get to marry each issues....this should not happen with you!! Dating chicks is ok, but your main focus from Lady you love shouldn’t go haywire. Men are not monogamous, but not from soul. ”

“Yeah, I understand. I am working hard on getting things back on track. Family issues are a secondary problem, ‘Pahle bandi to maan Jaae!!’ Wait for some time....perhaps time i shealing up things....anyways,, do you want to hear some Flute?”

“Why Not, first let me put this fatso priest to sleep. He anyways sleeps during these hours!! Yeah, now, play something happening!!”

“Hehehe....I wonder if people hear you saying will lose a considerable market support....playing something happening...any song on request?”

“Yeah, play that ‘Noor-e-khuda’ tune from ‘My name is Khan’!! The movie rocks!!’”

“ the way, how is Lord Shiva doing?”

“Worse....he is completely fed up....don’t ask....he is planning to open his third-eye pretty soon.....I will tell you later...long story..concentrate on Flute now!!”

The next few hours were pure music sessions with the God. Away from the office and temple routine time-pass and tensions, both had a great time. What a delightful Sunday, it was!!

Disclaimer: Woven from complete imagination....hope it doesn't embarrass any devout from visiting a temple. Go man, temples are good, even God knows why you have come!! If he doesn't help you, he is skipping work. If you want something, go get it. Don't let anybody else tell you that you can't.

God invented man, and man re-invented god. Initially to explain the various phenomena he can't, later to explain the illogical stories he wanted the public to believe, which couldn't have been logical without assigning ultimate illogical powers to the almighty. Then he gave 'God' a name, a nomenclature. And then he weaved that very faith into style,and Called it Religion. The 'religion' had a set of rules and practices, profitable to a certain sect of masterminds, and that how the very Idea of religious politics started. The longest running Drama in history, with God participating in the play in a very small but central Role, and everybody else having a role to play.

No body ever challenged this whole game plan!! What an Idea, SirJi!!
Learn Dear Friends,
Naaham Vasaami Vaikunthe, Yoginaan Hridayen Cha,
Madbhaktaah yatra gaayanti, Tatra Tisthaami Naarad!!

With no offense to religious leaders, please don't tell us how we should be treating God.When parents nowadays are our best friends, why can't God be?? Afterall, he is the ultimate father. And we all know that.


Sakht Jaani


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